Getting Turned on with Tantric Sex
Sex is everywhere.
Well, not everywhere because, you know, having to reach around a copulating couple in the freezer aisle of Walmart would put anyone off their waffles. But switch on the TV, go to the movies or read a book and you’ll discover that the world and his wife are at it.
However, like life itself, sex seems to be a frantic rush to the finishing line and quite frankly, sometimes we are just too damn exhausted for a session which burns more calories than a spinning class.
We just want to slooooow down.
Tantric sex, while encouraging couples (or solo flyers) to take it slowly, also turns up the heat to just below simmering, and keeps things there, bubbling away for quite some time. The Sanskrit word Tantra means woven together, and that’s exactly what this practice does – eyes, lips, breath, and body all woven together and meshing into one. Sounds intense, right?
Stop and Stare
Staring is rude, or it definitely will be. This first step in Tantra involves keeping your clothes on. Yep, as Jermaine Stewart once sang, ‘We don’t have to take our clothes off, to have a good time.’ It’s all about having a connection with your partner.
Sit opposite your partner and focus on their eyes. Just hold their gaze. Don’t touch, don’t speak, just look. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and this gazing technique allows you to connect to each other on a more soulful level. Once you have mastered (or become comfortable with) this soul gazing, you can introduce touch, but not sexual touching – sit with one palm up, and one palm down, and have your partner lay their palms against yours. This completes a circuit and allows the energy to run through you both.
Every Breath You Take
The next stage in Tantra is to mirror each other’s breathing. As your partner exhales, you inhale, and as you exhale, your partner inhales. Sharing breath is an incredibly intimate thing to do (but don’t eat garlic beforehand) and should be practised for at least ten minutes before moving on to the next stage.
(Incidentally, these stages can be done as standalone sessions, or can lead into each other.)
It’s Getting Hot in Here, So Take off all Your Clothes
The song titles are coming thick and fast!
Ok, so now it’s time to shed your inhibitions as well as your clothes and turn up the heat. No, really, turn up the heat – goose bumps aren’t conducive to a night of passion.
When you are both naked, repeat the exercises above. Sit facing each other while gazing into each other’s eyes (focusing on one eye is more concentrated, rather than moving your gaze from one to the other), and then practice rhythmic breathing.
Once you feel in tune with each other, have the man (if it is an M/F relationship) sit in the lotus position, with the woman sitting on his lap with her legs wrapped around his waist. Extend the breathing exercise to kissing – as you kiss, mirror each other’s breathing as above, slowly and sensually, and when the time feels right the man can enter the woman.
The key here is to take things slowly – as the woman breathes in she should gently rock her pelvis back (which will effectively tighten her around her man) and as she exhales she should move her pelvis forwards, which slightly releases her grip on him. This is a much slower rhythm than ‘normal’ love making, which means there will be a slower build up and a longer climax.
So many clichés could apply to Tantra – it’s about the journey and not the destination, a marathon and not a sprint, it’s a feast rather than fast food – but all of them have one thing in common…they are showing us that Tantric sex is about much more than an orgasm.
All of the senses come into play in Tantra, and one of the best ways to heighten those senses is to blindfold your partner. Before you stop reading, don’t worry - we’re not venturing into Fifty Shades territory here, but blindfolding is one of the best ways to sharpen touch, smell, sound, and taste.
When your partner is lying down and blindfolded, use a variety of objects to touch them with – experiment with temperature, textures, wet and dry, soft and hard. Use essential oils to stimulate their sense of smell. Feed them different foods – chocolate, fruit, cream - and have them lick sticky honey from your fingers. Let your imagination run riot.
Read them poetry, play different music, sounds of the ocean or of a rainforest – Tantra is all about exploring each other, so while you are stimulating your partner, watch him or her, really look – notice the curl of their lips, the curves of their body, the rhythm of their breathing – and then change places. Doing this is another way to really connect with your partner.
(Sorry, couldn’t resist!)
But it is true, Tantric sex is all about respect. In fact, it goes even further than that – a Tantric couple will revere each other, almost to the point of worship. It takes a lot of trust in someone to engage in Tantric sex with them, after all, you are giving another person access to your soul. But once you have that connection with someone you love it can be mind-blowing.
Tantric sex isn’t for everybody, but once you have mastered it, your sex life will never be the same again!