Sex toys have been around for longer than you think! Join us as we delve into the past and plunder the depths of sex toys and their history.
Solid as a Rock.
Back in 23,000 BC, you’d think that men and women would have better things on their minds (like surviving, maybe). But in the absence of Netflix, they had to find something to amuse themselves. The oldest know dildo was discovered in Germany which dates back 26,000 years – an 8 inch phallic-shaped stone joy toy that brings new meaning to the term ‘Rock Hard’. It’s also believed that those amorous ancestors fashioned dildos out of wood – watch out for those splinters!
Now, it’s well-documented that Ancient Greeks had a penchant for enjoying anal play, and they made full use of the abundance of that good old kitchen staple – olive oil. Just how far back the use of this home-grown lube went, we’ll never really know, but Aristotle did make reference to it in The History of Animals, suggesting that a smoother ride was less likely to result in pregnancy. Not that anal sex was going to, either, but hey…multi-purpose lubrication!
There are not many people who haven’t at least heard of the Kama Sutra, but, for a race who became the cornerstone of great sex, those ancient Indians sure had hang-ups about the size of their manhood. In fact, various suggestions on ways to increase its size included piercing it with something sharp, standing in water until the bleeding stopped, and then having sex and sticking pieces of cane into the wound. Seriously – they advocated this practice!! However, they also used strap-ons, which could be made of…well…anything the woman desired: from gold to buffalo’s horn (ha!), and could be made to increase the length and/or girth.
Lord of the Ring
In A.D 1200, it was vital that heirs were produced in order to preserve the line of nobility, but between fighting the Mongols and impregnating the womenfolk, not every man could rise to the occasion. Enter the penis ring. Thank your lucky stars that we have silicone, because way back when, these sex aids were fashioned from goat’s eyelids - and came with the eyelashes still attached. But they did the trick - and kept the men standing proud and loud.
Those Victorian ladies sure did visit their physicians a lot back in the 1800s, and now we know why. It seems that many women of this era fell prey to a ‘disease’ known as Female Hysteria (aka sexual frustration to you and I). Did the good docs write a prescription? Slip a few happy pills their way? NOPE! The docs realised that the only way to ease these deplorable symptoms, which ranged from headaches to seizures and even cursing, was to rub the patient’s clitoris until climax - or “hysterical paroxysm." But those poor hard done by doctors grew tired of all that rubbing. Not wanting to risk repetitive strain injury, they turned to a device pioneered by one Dr George Taylor: a steam-powered device he invented in 1869 called “The Manipulator”. And so the mechanical vibrator was born. God bless Dr Taylor!!!
How’s this for a tagline? “We can make a blow-up doll to resemble any person – living or DEAD!” C’mon, that’d be ‘dead boring’. But that’s exactly what a company proudly advertised in the early 1900s when blow-up dolls started becoming mass-produced. That’s right – blow up dolls are not a modern phenomenon! Of course, their actual inception came much earlier, in the 17th century, when ‘Stand-in’ ladies were more reminiscent of a scruffy mop than a woman. But hey…whatever works!